A Giant Leap Of Faith
by docrock06
Summary: What happens if you just have to take a leap if faith, even if that leap takes you miles further than you think you can go? Reela. Set after Ray’s accident.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey, I know that I promised that I would update "Happiness Is A Road Travelled" next, but I can't get it started, so I thought that I would give you this ****short three chapter story to let you know that I am still writing and that I am going to update that very soon. Well, enough of me, and on with the story!**

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**Disclaimer – ****All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Rating – T – Just to be safe **

**Summery – What happens if you just have to take a leap if faith, even if that leap takes you miles further than you think you can go? Reela. Set after Ray's accident.**

**The song lyrics in the chapter are by Linkin Park, and they are "Leave Out All The Rest"**

**This first chapter is about what Neela has done since Ray's accident and is set from her POV.**

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_Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future - Lewis B. Smedes_

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"Thanks Haleh" Neela said with a smile as she made her way through the door to the lounge of Cook County General. It was three months after her accident and she had been back at work for a week, something that Neela was thankful for. She had been staying with Abby since the rally and even though she was a great friend and a shoulder to cry on when she was home, that didn't stop Neela thinking when she was on her own all day, the only other human contact being the presenters of morning television programmes or Joe, who Neela knew would have a lot of stories to tell if he could repeat some of the days that he and Neela had shared together.

The first few weeks had mainly consisted of Neela resting and focusing on getting herself better, so she didn't really have time to think about anything else. Or anyone else for that matter. But once she was strong enough that Abby was happy with letting her do a bit of light shopping or talking Joe to the park, that was when her mind had went on overdrive and she had sat thinking about the last time she had seen Ray and all of the things that they had said to each other and the things that she had wished she had said. Most days she would end up with Joe sitting on her lap as tears fell from her eyes and she would tell him about how she had messed up the one thing in her life that she had valued, Ray and her friendship with him.

The hardest thing that she had done since her accident in regards to Ray was telling Abby what had happened to him and that he had left after the rally. Abby had been ranting how inconsiderate Ray was how he wasn't answering his phone and was probably out drunk somewhere or else hooking up with some girl. That was when Neela had broke, tears running down her face.

_**XXXX**_

"_I can't believe him, he won't even answer his phone, and after what he did at my wedding!" Abby was furious at the fact that she had just tried calling Ray for the sixteenth time and he still hadn't answered her call, letting it ring until it went to the answering machine, numerous messages telling him to get back there._

_Neela clenched her fists at her sides as she tried to stop the tears from falling down her cheeks because even though Abby wasn't looking at her, she didn't think that she would deserve the comfort that she would no doubt bestow upon her, especially after what she had just done to Ray._

"_Stop it Abby" Neela whispered meekly, although Abby didn't hear and continued to pace the room, saying with an angered expression, _

"_He acts like an ass fighting with Gates, claiming he cares about you but he can't even show up when you need him"_

_That had pushed Neela too far, for now she knew that Ray did more than cared for her, he had told her that he had fell in love with her, and thinking back to his hurt eyes and abused face as he uttered those words, Neela felt her resolve break as the tears slid down her cheeks and she shouted at Abby, _

"_Stop it! Stop saying that about him!" her already horse voice coming out even more so as she choked back a sob, looking up into Abby's shocked face._

_Walking over to Neela, Abby sat in the chair beside the bed as she looked up at her friend and said, _

"_Why, don't you think he should be here, wouldn't you be there for him if something happened, waiting to see him as soon as he woke up and tell him that it was going to be alright?" _

_Neela turned her head, her eyes sad and tired. Her voice back at it's normal volume, Neela said, _

"_I wish I could have been"_

"_Could've been…what do you mean?" Abby asked with a confused expression masking her features. _

_Taking a deep breath, Neela fiddled subconsciously with the blanket that was covering her as he said in a quiet voice, _

"_There was an accident Abby…Ray got hurt, that's why he can't be here"_

_Abby felt worry and guilt consumer her at her previous words, and prayed that Ray was alright._

"_What sort of accident, is he alright?" Abby asked as she looked at Neela, who was struggling with her own emotions. _

"_He was…after the wedding he…was hit by a truck" Neela stopped as she pulled in a breath, a few tears falling down her cheeks and onto her gown. "they had to-when I went to see him…both of his legs Abby" She looked at Abby with a gaze that was full of so much hurt and sorrow that Abby felt her own heart break for her friend, and moved so that she was sitting on the bed beside her._

"_What happened…is he OK now?" Abby asked, hopeful that Ray was going to be just fine._

_Shaking her head, more tears spilling as she did, Neela finally said, _

"_They had to amputate both of his legs Abby…and I wasn't even there for him, he was alone…and now he's gone", Neela choked out between sobs before breaking down._

_Abby pulled Neela into a hug, her arms gently running up and down her back as tears fell from her own eyes. She couldn't believe what she had just heard, her heart breaking for Ray. _

"_It'll be OK sweetie, it'll be OK" Abby murmured to Neela as she cried._

_**XXXX**_

Neela was snapped from her thoughts as the lounged opened and another figure entered, that figure being none other than Abby. Turning around she smiled at her friend as she said,

"You off yet?"

Shaking her head, Abby flopped down onto the couch, a cup of coffee in her hand, and replied,

"No, a few more hours to go. But I'll see you later"

Neela nodded her head and said goodbye to Abby before leaving the ER and making her way to the EL station. She and Abby had decided that until she was working in the hospital for a few weeks, and recovered one hundred and ten percent for sure, that she would stay with Abby and Joe since Luka was gone.

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Neela was finally home and was sitting in her room, having changed from her blue surgical scrubs to a pair of sweats and a grey sweatshirt. It was her favourite one because it smelt like Ray, a mixture of spice and mint, after it had gotten mixed in with his laundry one day and had stayed stuffed with his clothes for about a month. She hadn't washed it once since she had gotten it back, and regretted even more that she hadn't taken his t-shirt when he had offered it to her.

Lying back against the pillows, Neela remembered about the CD that Ray had given her on the night of the wedding, the one that she hadn't dared to listen to, afraid that once she heard his voice she would start crying and would never stop again. She had been so touched when he had given it to her, telling her that he had wrote a song for her, and in true Ray fashion, leaving her to find out which one it was herself. Opening her bedside drawer, she pulled out the case and walked over to the small stereo in her room and popped the CD in, hitting "play" before she changed her mind and put it away again.

Sitting on the bed again, her knees pulled up, Neela gazed at the cover that Ray had made, smiling a sad smile as she looked at the picture and read the words, "love Ray". Hearing the sound of the plastic disc as it spun around, Neela held her breath as a few notes played and suddenly Ray's voice was in her room again, in her mind, and closing her eyes, she pictured him beside her.

_I dreamed I was missing  
You were so scared  
But no one would listen  
Cause no one else cared_

After my dreaming  
I woke with this fear  
What am I leaving  
When I'm done here

So if you're asking me  
I want you to know

She didn't know if this was the song that Ray had meant, or if he had ever thought that such circumstances would lead her to listening to them with a heart wrenching pain in her chest at his words, but Neela didn't care as she tried to remember every detail about him that she could as she drunk in his words.

_When my time comes  
Forget the wrong that I've done  
Help me leave behind some  
Reasons to be missed_

And don't resent me  
And when you're feeling empty  
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest  
Leave out all the rest

Neela smiled as his words evoked memories of their times as "roomies' as Ray had dubbed them, came to mind, such as the first day she had moved in, Ray being dressed in a pair of tight jeans and a t-shirt, and even though she had found him so frustrating at that time, she still couldn't deny that he was sexy. Of course it wasn't long before memories of her leaving came to mind, making her lip quaver as she tried to hold back her tears.

_Don't be afraid  
I've taken my beating  
I've shared what I made_

I'm strong on the surface  
Not all the way through  
I've never been perfect  
But neither have you

So if you're asking me  
I want you to know

The images of Zoë's father and Tony fighting with Ray overlapped in her mind no matter how hard she tried to push them back. His eyes, so sad and hurt when she had told him that she was moving out, so explanation given other than, "I think we both know why", and even then she had known that it wasn't enough but she couldn't bring herself to admit that she had fallen for him.

_When my time comes  
Forget the wrong that I've done  
Help me leave behind some  
Reasons to be missed_

Don't resent me  
And when you're feeling empty  
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest  
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting  
All the hurt inside  
You've learned to hide so well

Pretending  
Someone else can come and save me from myself  
I can't be who you are

Wiping at tears, Neela looked over to her nightstand where a framed picture of her and Michael sat, the one that was taken from her wedding day. In front of it sat a picture of her and Ray that they had taken the last Christmas that they had shared an apartment. Ray had just got a new camera and decided that he wanted to try it out, even though neither of them where dressed. But still, Neela loved that picture because it showed how comfortable she had become with him and him with her that they could sit in their pyjamas, hair mussed up and eyes still tired, although the smile that shone on Ray's face made him appear as though he had been awake longer. His smile was one of the things that Neela loved most about him, and a sad one graced her own face as she memorized the picture in her head.

_When my time comes  
Forget the wrong that I've done  
Help me leave behind some  
Reasons to be missed_

Don't resent me  
And when you're feeling empty  
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest  
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting  
All the hurt inside  
You've learned to hide so well

Pretending  
Someone else can come and save me from myself  
I can't be who you are  
I can't be who you are

As the song finished, Neela wiped the tears from her eyes and walked over to the stereo, stopping the music. Walking out into the hall, she saw that Abby was just in.

"What's wrong honey?" Abby asked as she walked over to Neela, noticing the red rimmed eyes and the tear streaks on her face.

"I need to get him better Abby" Neela said as she walked over to the kitchen and sat at the table with a notepad in front of her and began to write things down.

"Neela, you need to get yourself better" Abby replied in a soft voice as she sat down in the chair opposite.

Stopping what she was doing, Neela looked over at Abby as she said,

"I am better Abby, he's not…I wasn't there for him when he needed me the most, he was always there for me…I'm nor going to lose him this time"

Placing her hand on top of Neela's, Abby gave her friend an understanding smile as he said,

"What do you need me to do?"

Looking up, Neela let out a nervous laugh as he said,

"Help me pack"

* * *

It was three in the afternoon the next day and Abby and Neela where standing in O'Hare's Airport. Looking at Neela, Abby smiled at her as she said, her voice slightly choked with emotion,

"Tell him we miss him and we're thinking of him"

Nodding her head, Neela smiled, still not believing that she was actually doing this, that she was going to Baton Rogue, she replied,

"I will…but I have something to tell him myself first"

As the announcement that her flight was boarding, Neela pulled Abby into a hug,

"Thanks for everything Abby"

Returning the hug, Abby laughed a little as she said,

"Don't thank me, just go and get your man"

Pulling back, Neela laughed and began to walk down the terminal, all the while thinking, _I'm going to help him get through this, just like I promised._

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**A/N That was chapter one and I hope that you liked it! The next will be from Ray's POV and about what he has done since the accident. Please review and let me know what you think!**


	2. Chapter 2

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O.K, I want to start of with a huge, massive, gigantic apology for practically abandoning this story…I got so caught up in the others that I completely forgot about this. I hope that you all forgive me though and enjoy this chapter!

**Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed the first chapter, I hope that after a very, very long wait this one doesn't disappoint.**

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_The only thing that stands between a man and what he wants from life is often merely the will to try it and the __faith__ to believe that it is possible.__" David Viscott_

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His hands gripping onto the two bars, knuckles white and arms shaking, Ray gritted his teeth together to try and stop himself from crying out in pain as Tom, his physiotherapist, had his hand on his back and was encouraging him to take another step forward. It was nearly three months since the awful night when Ray had lost his legs after being hit by a truck, drunk and bitter after he had fought with Gates who had been with Neela in an intimate embrace just a short while after she had spoken to him. Taking a deep breath, he pushed his foot forward, pain lancing up his legs as he did. A few tears fell down his cheeks as he said in a choked voice,

"I need to stop", the pain too unbearable to _literally_ stand any longer. He had started these sessions only two weeks after arriving in the rehab centre in Baton Rouge, his case worker telling him that it was best to get started as soon as possible. He had come in leaps and bounds since then, Tom telling him that he was one of the most determined guys he had met in a long time. Although Ray didn't care about that. He didn't want to be that, he wanted to be back to the way he was. He just wished that he could go back to that night and even stay in the bar a few minutes longer, then maybe he wouldn't have gotten hit by the truck and everything would be fine. Everything might have worked out and he wouldn't be back in Baton Rouge having to learn to walk again.

"Are you sure you don't want to try for one more step?" Tom tried encouraging him, feeling the tenseness of his body as he tried to hold himself up.

Shaking his head, Ray felt himself starting to slump forward slightly, his arms shaking under the strain of trying to hold himself up as he said in a strained voice,

"I can't"

"O.K…but you did great today" Tom said as he helped him sit back in his wheelchair, the pain lessening slightly as he wasn't standing anymore. His mother, Jacy, who had been watching the whole time, tears in her own eyes as she watched her son going through so much pain and suffering. Having a watch a child suffer was the worst thing that any parent could imagine, and Jacy would never wish it on anyone, not even her worst enemy. Walking over to Ray she handed him a bottle of water, which he took a grateful drink of, and stroked his cheek as she said,

"Tom's right, you're doing really well baby"

Shrugging his shoulders slightly, Ray didn't even look at her as he said,

"So, like it matters anyway", before pulling away from her and leaving the gym to go back to his own room, leaving a saddened and stunned Jacy behind.

Moving around his room in the chair, Ray didn't turn around when he heard the sound of knocking on the door, knowing that it was his mother. He wasn't in the mood for talking and was just fed up with everyone treating him like he was just a child.

"I know its hard Ray…but things will get easier" Jacy said as she sat down on the edge of Rays bed, watching as he fiddled with the few toiletries and other items that were sitting on the bedside table. Not looking at her, Ray shook his head as he said,

"That's easy for you to say…you're not the one actually doing it"

Standing up and moving so she was sitting in the chair facing Ray so that she could see his expression, Jacy said in a gentle tone,

"Ray, I know that after the accident just happened you were in shock and needed time to take everything in…but you've been doing so well, why stop now?"

Not looking at her, Ray said,

"I'm gonna get a shower", completely ignoring Jacy's question as he made his way into the adjoining bathroom.

* * *

It was a few hours later and Ray was sitting in his wheelchair by the window of his room. After he had gotten showered Jacy had tried to broach the subject of his recovery again and he had ignored her at every turn. Eventually she had kissed him on the cheek and said goodnight with a promise to visit the next day. He hated the fact that he was so dependent on her…that he couldn't do things for himself like he was so used to.

Looking over at the cards that lay on the bedside table, _**get well soon**_ and _**thinking of you **_written on them no doubt. They were from the staff at County; Ray knew that much as his mother had told him that when she brought them. But he hadn't opened a single one. He didn't want to read how sorry they felt for him…he didn't want pity from them because he wasn't like he had been. He just wanted to forget about everything. Not to have to think about the life that he had lost.

Leaning back in the chair, Ray remembered the day after the accident.

_**XXXXXXX**_

_Jacy was sitting in the waiting room of the hospitals surgical floor, waiting on hearing news on Ray's condition. She had been phoned as soon as he had been brought in and had been told that he was in a car accident and that she should come straight away. She had been blessed with luck and had gotten a plane twenty minutes later. She hadn't seen Ray before he had went in for surgery, but had been told that there had been some complications and that was what was taking so long._

_Sitting with her head in her hands, she heard a female voice calling her name and looked up to see the surgical nurse, clad in blue scrubs making her way over to her._

"_Is he alright?" Jacy asked as she stood from her chair, seeing the surgeons wheeling the gurney out._

"_Yes, he's stable now…but I'm afraid that the damage to his legs was too severe" The woman said with a sympathetic look on her face. Looking at the nurse, Jacy asked with confusion, _

"_What do you mean?"_

_Placing a comforting hand on Jacy's arm, the nurse replied with the same sympathetic tone, _

"_I'm afraid they had to amputate his legs"_

_Collapsing back into the chair, Jacy let tears fall down her face as she said in a strained voice just above a whisper, _

"_My poor baby"_

_It was the next morning and Jacy was sitting in the chair beside Ray's bed, his hand in her own. He hadn't woken up from the operation yet, and Jacy was afraid of how he was going to react when he found out what had happened. Looking at his face, a mass of cuts and bruises, she held back another set of tears, knowing that she had to be strong for him. _

_Hearing him groan slightly, his eyes fluttering open, Jacy stood from her seated position and looked down at Ray as he opened his eyes, groggy with the medication and trauma he had been through. Looking around the room, Ray said, _

"_What happened?" wondering where he was. The last thing he could remember was leaving the bar and looking at his phone to see that Neela had been trying to call him…and then the truck had came._

"_You were in a accident sweetie" Jacy said, seeing the scared look on her sons face as he tried to take in what had happened._

_Still unaware of his current condition and what had actually happened, the phantom pain in his legs making him think that he still had them, that they hadn't in fact been amputated due to the severe crush injuries he had sustained, _

"_I dropped my phone and then the truck came…" Ray groaned again in pain as he said, _

"_My legs hurt…" looking at Jacy, worry, fear and confusion overwhelming him as a few tears fell down her cheeks. What was wrong that she was crying?_

"_What's wrong?" Ray asked with a shake in his voice, feeling Jacy grip his hand tighter as she took a deep breath before saying._

"_Ray…honey, when you were hit by the truck…your legs were badly hurt and the…the doctors they tried to do everything…"_

_For the first time since he had woken up, Ray looked down at were his legs where…or at least where they should have been…seeing the terrible outcome of the night before. Shaking his head, Ray felt the tears falling down his cheeks, his breath coming out in gasping sobs as he said, _

"_No…they didn't, they can't have…mom"_

_Pulling Ray to her, Jacy sat on the side of the bed, rocking him back and forth as he cried, his face buried in her shoulder and his arms holing onto her as if she was a lifeline. _

_They had stayed like that for nearly an hour, Jacy trying as hard as she could to comfort her son, telling him that it was going to be alright even though she didn't know if it was._

_**XXXXXXX**_

"Ray"

Wiping away the tears that had fell from his eyes; Ray turned his head to see his mother standing at the door again, a look of apprehension on her face. He wasn't in the mood for another pep talk; all he wanted to do was rest after a long day of physiotherapy.

"You have a visitor" She said, a nervous smile appearing on her face.

Brow furrowing, Ray turned his wheelchair around, wondering who it could be. The few of his old college friends that still lived in Baton Rouge he hadn't told about his accident, so unless his mother had he was certain that it wasn't one of them. Or maybe it was a cousin or grandparent that wanted to visit, although Ray wasn't quite so sure.

"Who?" He asked, admittedly nervous. He hated people seeing him the way he was, broken and a shell of what he used to be, so the idea of an unexpected and uninvited visitor was slightly aggravating.

Moving out of the way, Jacy let Neela step forward, the same look of apprehension on her face as she looked at Ray and said,

"Hello Ray"

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**O.K, I hope that you liked this chapter and please let me know what you think!**


	3. Chapter 3

**After getting lots of nice reviews I felt that I had to be super nice to all of you lovely readers/reviewers and give you another update that you didn't have to wait months on! I know that at the beginning of this story I said that it was only going to be three chapters…but I think that I will do more and see how it goes. Well, enough from me and on with the story!**

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_Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with._

_- __**Mark Twain**_

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He couldn't believe that she was here, that she had actually come. She had told him in the hospital the day that he had left to come home that she was going to visit and he had told her not to. But still, she was here. And he didn't know how he felt about that. He hadn't taken his eyes off her, but his face didn't show how he was feeling at all, unnerving Neela and making her question if she should have just shown up here unannounced.

"I'll let you two talk" Jacy whispered to Neela with her hand lightly on her arm, offering her a small, encouraging smile before walking back down the hall.

Wringing her hands together, not sure what to do as Ray still hadn't said anything to her yet, Neela asked in a soft voice,

"Can I come in?"

Nodding his head slightly, Ray watched as she walked into the room and sat down on the chair beside his bed, her hands folded neatly in her lap. Turning his gaze away from her for the first time since he had seen her, noticing that she had glanced down at his legs, Ray turned his chair so that his back was to her, hating her seeing him the way he was. He knew that she had seen him the day that he had left for Baton Rouge, his face a mess of cuts and bruises, but this was worse. At least he had been doped up on medication that day and couldn't remember exactly the way that she looked at him and the pity that had been in her eyes. But this time he wasn't, and he knew that he would remember that look that had just crossed over her face, a look of pity and sympathy, for as long as he lived.

"Why did you come here?" Ray asked in a quiet voice, looking at his hands in his lap, seeing them shaking. His tone wasn't angry or cold, but soft and hurt, and this confused and saddened Neela, knowing that he was so broken and lost.

"Because I said I would" She replied simply, wanting him to know that what she had said that day she was going to do. Just like she had said she would visit him she was also coming to make sure that he got through this, no matter what it took.

"I guess I just didn't think you would" Ray said in the same tone, Neela trying to see if she could see his face to get a better idea on how he was feeling at the moment. She would have moved to the chair beside his, but she didn't want to push things right away, knowing that he needed his space. The day he had left hadn't been a highlight in their friendship…as low as it had sunk over the past year since Neela had moved out, but she didn't want to push him and ruin it any further.

"Why would you think that?" Neela asked, expecting and prepared for him to yell and scream at her, tell her how she had chosen Gates over him so many times and he was through with her. But he just shrugged his shoulders lightly and shook his head.

Not knowing what to say, Neela let her gaze travel around the room. Her eyes stopped whenever she saw the pile of unopened cards of the bedside table, knowing exactly who they were from as she was the one who had helped Abby send them to Ray just one week after he had left for Louisiana.

"You didn't open them" Neela said aloud, looking at Ray to see what he would do. When he didn't answer, Neela got up from her seat and moved into the one next to Ray at the window, angling her face so she could read his expression. Her heart broke when she saw the pain reflected from her eyes, and she couldn't help but feel guilty for causing some of it. Placing her hand gently on his arm, feeling him tense up slightly, Neela said in a soft voice,

"Ray"

Looking at her, Ray said,

"What, open them up and see that they all say the same fucking thing…that they're sorry…I'm fed up with everyone saying they're sorry" Turning his face away from her, he added softly, just above a whisper, "I'm just fed up"

Moving her hand down his hand and to his hand, Neela gave it a tight squeeze as she said,

"They just miss you and want you to get better", and was glad when he didn't pull his hand away from hers, but curled his fingers lightly around her own hand.

Nodding his head, Ray looked out the window again, Neela doing the same. She was happy to sit with him if that was what he wanted. And when he was ready to talk she would be there for him, but she wasn't going to push him.

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It was two hours later and Neela was in the adjoining bathroom. Fixing herself in the mirror, she turned off the light before walking back into Ray's room. She was surprised that he wasn't sitting at the window anymore, but instead was sitting by the bedside table, the pile of cards in his lap.

Walking over and sitting on the bed, Neela looked at him as she said,

"Are you going to open them?"

Shrugging his shoulders, still undecided, Ray looked up at her as he said,

"I want to…but I can't, not yet" Before setting them in the drawer and closing it. Neela, who hadn't taken her eyes off him since she sat down, reached her hand out and touched his cheek, the side of his face where the majority of the abrasions had been, running her thumb over his cheekbone lightly.

Closing his eyes at her touch, Ray leaned his face into her touch before saying in a whisper,

"I'm glad you came"

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**A/N I hope that you liked this chapter and please let me know what you think! And remember, reviews are love.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Well, I'm glad that everyone seemed to enjoy the last chapter because I really enjoyed writing it. After thinking about it for a while I have got a few ideas for this story so it could end up being a lot more chapters than I had originally thought…I hope you don't mind! Well, enough from me and on with the next chapter!**

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_"Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies." __– Aristotle_

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Neela closed her own eyes at his words, "_I'm glad you came"_. She knew that they still had a lot to talk about and that it wasn't going to be easy…but the fact that he was happy that she was there meant so much to her that she couldn't even describe what she was feeling at that very moment.

Opening her eyes again Neela looked at him, seeing the pain and hurt still in his eyes as he looked back at her. Not taking her hand from his face, she said in a soft voice,

"You are?"

Nodding his head slightly, Ray lifted his hand and wrapped his fingers around her wrist lightly. Looking down at his lap he said in a quiet voice,

"Even though I thought you wouldn't come I still wanted you to…I hated the fact that I wanted you to come so badly after everything" he admitted, still not looking at her.

Putting her other hand under his chin, Neela gently lifted his face so that he was looking at her. She felt her heart break at the sight of tears in his eyes, knowing that she was the cause of them. The past year had broken their friendship, but she was determined that she was going to rebuild it so that it was better than before.

"Ray…the night of the wedding-", Neela started in a soft voice. But before she could finish Ray had pulled back from her, turning his wheelchair so his back was to her and he was looking out the window again.

"It's getting kind of late" Ray said. He didn't want to talk about that night…he couldn't talk about it.

Knowing that it must be hard for him, Neela didn't let herself get riled up by the fact that he had cut her off as she normally would if someone else did. She didn't know how he was feeling at the moment and knew that it was going to take a while before he would let her know freely. After all they had been through she was just glad that he hadn't thrown her out as soon as he had seen her.

"Do you have somewhere to stay?" Ray asked, looking at his hands in his lap as he waited for an answer.

"Yeah, your mom was quite insistent that I stay with her…I can stay at a hotel if you would prefer though" Neela added. She didn't want to impose on his mother or upset Ray any further.

Turning his head slightly, Ray shook his head as he said,

"No…stay with my mom" before turning his head to look back at his hands in his lap.

Getting up from her place on the bed, Neela hesitated a moment, unsure of what to do. Walking over to him Neela said in a soft voice,

"I'll just have to make a call quickly…I'll be right back" before leaving the room to call Jacy on her cell.

Ray turned his head when he heard the sound of the door closing and watched through the small pane of glass as Neela walked down the hall slightly to make her call. He hadn't though that seeing Neela again was going to be as hard as this…although he had been telling the truth when he had told her that he was glad that she had came. Seeing her making her way back down the hall, Ray turned his attention to the window again, hearing the sound of the door opening and closing as she entered the room again.

"She says she'll be here soon…she was shopping nearby" Neela said, trying to break the silence that was becoming increasingly awkward since Ray had pulled away from her. Sitting down in the chair beside Ray, Neela looked at him, wanting nothing more than to pull him to her and make him better again, protect him from everything that he was going through.

"You don't have to stay…if you're just here because you think you have to be…I understand" Ray said, looking at Neela with tragic eyes. She had never saw Ray like this, so broken and hurt and it made her heart break.

"Ray, of course I want to be here…why would you think that?" She asked, wondering what had caused the outburst. She didn't think she had given him any sign that she didn't want to be there…as she did want to be, so where was he getting the idea from?

Looking at her he shrugged slightly as he said,

"Why would you be here if you didn't think you had to be…look at me", he added, turning away from her as he felt tears forming in his eyes.

Feeling tears in her own eyes, hating that Ray had sunk so low that he thought that little of himself now, she moved so she was kneeling in front of him, her hands moving so that they were holding onto his, feeling them shaking slightly.

"Ray, the way you look doesn't change how I feel about you…and I'm here because I _want_ to be here"

Seeing that Ray wouldn't look at her, but was looking over her shoulder and not into her eyes, Neela let go of one of his hands and put hers on the side of his face, making him look at her.

"Ray…" Neela said in a soft voice, hoping that he would open up to her…even if it was just in the slightest way. She wanted to be there for him, but without pushing him she couldn't think of a way to make him _want_ to open up to her and let her in.

"I'm tired…I might just turn in" Ray said abruptly changing the subject. Of course Neela knew that they would have to speak about this, she wasn't going to push Ray any further and would let him be the one to decide when he felt ready. Nodding her head, Neela offered Ray a small smile before saying,

"O.K…I'll come back tomorrow to see you"

Nodding his head, Ray offered her a sad smile before saying,

"Sure", letting her know that he wanted her to come.

Standing back up, Neela went and put her coat on before walking back over to Ray. Leaning down she kissed him gently on the cheek, just like she had a few months ago, and echoed her promise in his ear,

"You'll get through this Ray…I promise"

Turning his head around to look at her, his eyes shining with emotion, Ray leaned his forehead against hers gently as he said in a quiet whisper, as if he was afraid to speak any louder,

"Wish I didn't have to…" giving her the first glimpse of how he felt about his current situation. His voice cracking, he added, "I wish I could just go back to that night-"

"Shh" Neela said as she cupped his face with her hand, knowing that now wasn't the time for them to discuss this, it was too important. Pulling him into her embrace, never wanting to let go, Ray's face buried in her shoulder as he tired to fight back tears that were once again threatening to fall.

"But if I hadn't been so stupid and-" Ray started again, his voice shaking as a few tears fell down his cheeks, too tired and drained from the days events to stop them, but was stopped once again by Neela as she said,

"Shh, Ray don't…not now", in a gentle voice as she ran her hand up and down his back, trying to comfort him.

After a few moments of just holding each other, Neela pulled back slightly when she heard the sound of a soft tapping on the door, and was surprised to see that it was Jacy. She hadn't thought so much time had passed since she had called the other woman and had to admit she was slightly nervous as to what Jacy would think of the scene in front of her. No one could have guessed what type of reaction Ray was going to give Neela when he saw her for the first time earlier that day, and so Neela knew why there was a look of apprehension and unhappiness in Jacy's eyes as she looked at her son and his former roommate.

Pulling back from Ray and looking him in the eyes, Neela kissed him gently on the cheek before standing up and making her way to the door, offering Jacy a small smile as she said,

"I'll give you a moment alone", knowing that Jacy would want to talk to Ray before she left.

Shutting the door over Jacy walked over and sat in the chair beside Ray, reaching her hand out to wipe away the traces of tears on his face.

"What's wrong baby?" Jacy asked, her hand cupping Ray's cheek as he looked at his hands in his lap, simply shrugging as he replied,

"I didn't think it would be so hard seeing her again"

Looking out at the door, Jacy nodded her head in understanding. She hated seeing Ray upset, but knew that he needed Neela to help him get through all of this. Even in the brief conversation she had with Neela before she had left Neela off at the rehab centre she could tell that she cared for Ray deeply and would help him as much as she could.

"I know baby…but how about you get some rest and you can both talk tomorrow when you've had some time" Jacy said running over thumb over Ray's cheekbone. Standing up she leaned down and hugged him and kissed him goodbye.

* * *

It was over an hour since Neela and his mother had left Ray had tried going to sleep, but found that he had too much running through his mind. So now he was sitting in his room, trying to think of something to do to pass the time.

Sitting on his bed he opened the top drawer and pulled out a pile of photographs that were bound together with an elastic band. Pulling it off he flipped through them until he found the one that he wanted and set the rest back in the drawer.

It was the picture of him and Neela that he used to have stuck to his fridge, his favorite of them together. It had been Neela's birthday and Ray had taken Neela out for drinks in the new club that had opened up and she had been ranting about it for weeks.

Lying back, he put the picture under his pillow before closing his eyes and falling into a deep sleep, exhausted from the days events.

* * *

**A/N I hope that you all liked this chapter and please let me know what you think!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed the last chapter. I'm glad to see you're enjoying the story and love to hear any suggestions/comments that you have. Well, enough from me and on with the story!**

**A/N This chapter begins directly after Jacy leaves Ray's room and not after Ray has gone to sleep.**

* * *

"_**Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.**__**" - Paul Boese**_

* * *

Closing the door to Ray's room, Jacy smiled at Neela as she walked over to her and asked,

"Are you ready to go?" noticing the look of apprehension on the younger woman's face. Biting her lip as she thought for a moment, a habit that she had failed to grow out of, Neela looked at Jacy as she asked,

"Would it be alright if I asked him something?" She felt terrible leaving Ray the way he was and wanted to make sure that he knew that she was going to be there for him.

"I think it would be best to let him rest…he's had a long day. But you'll be back tomorrow and I'm sure you two can talk then" Jacy said gently as she placed a hand on Neela's forearm.

Nodding her head in response, Neela smiled at Jacy as she said,

"Yes, that'll be great", before turning and walking down the hall with the other woman.

The drive home was quiet as both women sat and thought about the events of the day that had lead up to that very moment. Jacy had been shocked when she had received the phone call two days prior from Neela asking could she come and visit Ray, having only saw her once at the hospital when she had gone to take Ray home. She had been happier after putting the phone down, arrangements for Neela's flights and a place to stay being made, knowing that her son's ex-roommate was making an effort to be there for him. She didn't know fully what had transpired between the two, and she wasn't sure if she ever would, but she knew that Neela had a special place in Ray's heart and it had hurt him when she had left.

Pulling into the driveway, Neela took in the view of Ray's childhood home. It was a large house with a front porch and a huge garden. Neela smiled at the thought of Ray growing up here and the mischief that he no doubt got into. Stepping out of the car, Neela walked around to stand beside Jacy as she said,

"Thank you for letting me stay here I-", but was cut off with Jacy as she waved her hand and said,

"Nonsense dear, you don't have to thank me. I wouldn't have it any other way and I know that Ray wouldn't"

Smiling, feeling slightly better than when she had first arrived in Baton Rouge, Neela followed Jacy in and set her bags down in the living room. Looking over at the mantelpiece she saw that it was littered with photo frames of Ray from as young as just a few days old to when he was graduating Med School.

Walking over she lifted up a picture of Ray when he was only a child, blonde hair and bright green eyes looking at her with the familiar grin she had grown so fond of looking at. He was out in the back yard standing beside who appeared to be his father, the mirror image of him, the same green eyes and brown hair with a smile that would melt your heart.

"That's one of my favourite pictures of him" Jacy said, walking over to stand beside Neela.

"I can see why" before setting it back down.

Placing a gentle hand on her arm, Jacy offered a small smile to Neela as she said,

"I'm sure you're hungry, I'll show you to your room and then I'll fix some dinner"

"Thank you" Neela said as she followed Jacy up the stairs. Setting her bag on the neatly made bed she smiled as Jacy said,

"The bathrooms just down the hall if you want to freshen up and dinner won't be long", before turning and leaving the room.

Sitting on the bed Neela was unsure of what to do. Looking around the room briefly she couldn't stop the tears that sprang to the corners of her eyes as she did. Although it was obviously a guest room, the décor portraying such a thing, some of Ray's belongings had been pushed in here…things from back in Chicago. Standing up, Neela walked over to the dresser and carefully lifted the small picture frame, the one which she had gotten Ray the previous Christmas when they were still roommates. She had put the picture of them that Halloween in it, Neela dressed as a groupie and Ray as a seventies rock star. It had been Abby's party and she had told everyone that they had to pair up with someone and the best couple would win the prize.

Sitting back on the bed with the picture still in her hands, Neela brushed away the tear that fell down her cheek. She would have given anything to go back to that day and change everything…but she knew that she couldn't and would just have to make everything right from now on. Setting the frame back in its original position, Neela went to the bathroom and got ready for dinner.

* * *

"That was lovely" Neela said as she set her fork down after finishing the dessert which Jacy had made, ensuring that Neela was ready to burst. It amazed her how Ray was so skinny if this was what his mother made!

"I never got to ask you how it went today, I understand if it's personal though" Jacy said, curious as to what had happened between the two former roommates.

Shaking her head, Neela offered Jacy a small smile as she said,

"No, it's perfectly alright…to be honest I'm not sure how it went" Neela answered truthfully. "He doesn't seem to want to talk to me about it-not that I expect that he would" Neela added with a sad expression.

"Well, he hasn't talked to me about it either" Jacy said, recalling the numerous occasions on which she had approached the subject with Ray just to have him shut her out.

"I think he just needs a little time…what happened was a terrible accident and he" Jacy started, choking up a little before finishing, "I just don't know what to say to make him better sometimes"

Reaching across the table, Neela clasped her hand around Jacy's and offered the older woman a small, encouraging smile as she said in a soft voice,

"It's O.K…he knows you love him and are there for him"

Nodding her head, Jacy gave a short embarrassed laugh as she wiped at her eyes before saying,

"It's just hard to see your child in pain…he's my baby and I just want to get him better"

Squeezing Jacy's hand, Neela tried to comfort the other woman. She felt guilty for the part that she played in Ray's accident, but knew that now wasn't the time to get into that. She was here to help Ray, not to make herself feel better or less guilty.

Looking at Neela with a small smile, Jacy said,

"Well, tomorrows a new day, and after some time to think and a good nights sleep I'm sure Ray will be a lot better that today…he has a physiotherapy session at two if you would like to come with me?" Jacy asked, not wanting to assume anything.

"I'd love to…I promised Ray that I would visit" Neela replied with a smile.

* * *

It was the next morning and Neela was getting ready to go and see Ray that day. She admittedly was nervous and was hoped that she and Ray would have some time to talk afterwards if Ray wasn't too tired. She had so many things that she wanted to tell him and felt that she had wasted too much time already skirting around things that she should have said before.

"Neela sweetie, I feel terrible but I've got called to work and can't make it today" Jacy said with an apologetic look on her face.

"I'm going to call and let Ray know I can't come…do you still want to go?" Jacy asked. She wasn't sure if Neela was ready to go yet or if she had just said she would to be courteous to Jacy.

"No, tell him I'll be there" Neela said with a small smile.

"Thank you" Jacy said, pulling Neela into a quick hug, the action shocking her for a moment before she returned the embrace.

"He's never had to go to a session alone and I hate leaving him there most of the time" Jacy admitted before going to call Ray and let him know.

Sitting down on the bed Neela glanced back at the picture she had found the night before, determined that she was going to see this through.

* * *

Walking down the hall to the gym at the rehab centre, Neela tried to prepare herself for the day ahead. She knew that sessions like these could be very difficult and wanted to be there for Ray as much as she could, and as much as he would allow her.

Pushing the door opened, she walked over to where she could see Ray sitting on one of the tables, getting ready to put his prosthetics on and begin the session.

"You came" Ray said with a smile, causing Neela to smile back at him as she nodded her head. She would do anything to see him smile again and was glad that he seemed more at ease with her already.

After the introductions were made between Neela and Ray's physiotherapist, they were ready to begin the session. Sitting on the table beside Ray, Neela watched with compassion as Ray clenched his jaw and squeezed his eyes shut against the pain. He had pushed himself further the past few days and the pain was beginning to make itself known. Slipping her hand into his, Neela didn't care how much it hurt when Ray squeezed her hand tight against the pain, a tear slipping down his cheek as he tried to avoid from crying out.

"All done" Tom said, stepping back and looking at Neela with a sympathetic smile. He knew that it was hard to watch a loved one going through so much pain, having grown close to so many of his patients and coming close to feeling guilty for the pain that they often went through.

"You ready?" Tom asked, Ray simply nodding as he tried to steady his breathing again. Helping him stand up and grab the bars, Tom steadied Ray as he said in an encouraging manner,

"You did great yesterday…so let's try for one more than that, O.K?"

Neela watched for the next fifteen minutes as Ray took step after step, his knuckles white as he gripped the bars for balance and against the pain that was shooting up his legs. She had to cover her mouth to stop herself from screaming at Tom to stop each time Ray cried out in pain, tears falling down his cheeks as he took each step.

"One more" Tom said, holding Ray up from behind, his hands on his hips to steady him.

Shaking his head, Ray choked out in a horse voice,

"No…I can't"

"You can Ray…you did yesterday, just one more step and then we'll finish"

Pushing his foot forward, going to try and take another step, Ray felt pain lance up in legs like he hadn't felt before, and cried out,

"Ahh…no, I can't" his chest heaving as tears fell from his eyes.

Nodding his head, Tom helped Ray sit back down as Neela instantly got up from her seat at the table and walked over to him. Sitting down beside him she wrapped her arms around him, feeling him instantly wrap his own around her, his face buried in her shoulder like the night before as sobs wracked his frame, Neela whispering words of comfort in his ear as she ran her hand up and down his back, holding back her own tears.

After what seemed like an eternity Ray pulled back from Neela, the latter wiping the tears off his face, her hand cupping his cheek after and staying there as she looked at him, Ray avoiding her gaze by looking at his hands in his lap.

"Thank you for coming" Ray said in a quiet voice, horse with tears as he finally looked at her.

Smiling, Neela pulled her back into her embrace, running her hand through the bottom of his hair as she whispered,

"Of course I'd come Ray…I love you too much not to"

* * *

**A/N I hope that you enjoyed this chapter and don't hate me to much for stopping it there…I bet you're all dying to know what Ray's reaction will be! *rubs hands together and laughs evilly* Well, please review and let me know what you think!**


	6. Chapter 6

**O.K, so real life has gotten in the way of me updating my stories and I apologize for that. But come the end of May there will be no more school for me and I can focus on writing more and hopefully update more frequently than I have been. **

* * *

_Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage._ - **Lao Tzu**

* * *

"_Of course I'd come Ray…I love you too much not to"_

Ray didn't know how to react to hearing that. He had dreamt so many times of Neela telling him those words, both before and even after the accident. And in all honesty he never thought that he would. Before he had a chance to do anything though Neela leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on his lips, pulling back after only a few moments and whispering,

"Let's go back to your room"

She didn't expect him to tell her that he loved her too…he had already told her that once and she hadn't told him then how she felt, so she wouldn't blame him if he didn't anymore. She just wanted him to know how she felt about him, how she had always felt about him for so long. If he didn't feel the same way at least she could live her life knowing that she hadn't cowered away from her feelings, that she had told him and had left the decision of were they would go next up to him.

When they got back to his room Neela sat down in the chair by the window that she had sat in the day before as Ray pulled clean clothes from the small set of drawers and threw them on the bed. Moving so that he was beside her, Ray ran his hand over the back of his neck as he looked at her, unsure of how to start.

Neela, sensing this, gave him a small smile as she reached her hand to hold his out and took that task from him, saying in a soft voice,

"I just wanted you to know…even if you don't feel the same way. I hid from how I felt about you for so long that it came to this…and when I leave I want to know that when I come back I'll be coming back to visit you as a friend or as something more…but I understand if you're feelings have changed for me"

Neela watched Ray's face as he took in what she had just said. As much as she wanted to know if he still loved her as he had claimed to the day that he had left, she knew that she couldn't push him.

Biting his lip, Ray looked at her before he said in a soft voice,

"I meant what I said that day…even after everything that's happened it hasn't changed…I still love you"

Leaning forward, Neela cupped Ray's face with her hands as she kissed him, the same soft and gentle kiss as their first kiss in his car that snowy night before their world had been turned upside down. Pulling back, Neela leaned her forehead gently against Ray's, both of their eyes still closed. Breaking the silence, Ray said in a soft voice,

"As much as I hate to break this up, I stink and really need a shower", a soft laugh escaping his lips for the briefest moment. It was the first time since she had came that she had heard him laugh, and from speaking to Jacy it may have been the first time in quite a while. Hearing him laugh she couldn't believe that she had gone so long without listening to that sound, and watching the way his eyes would light up and his nose crinkle slightly as he would look at her.

"I missed you so much", not just referring to the past few months, but the past year when their friendship had slowly drifted apart.

Pulling back, Ray looked at her with a serious expression as he said,

"I missed you too"

Running her hand over his cheek, Neela smiled as she cleared her throat, feeling the tears forming in her eyes but determined she wouldn't cry, and said,

"I'll go get us something to eat while you get showered"

Standing up, she felt Ray grab her hand as she was about to leave and she stopped, looking at him as she sat on the arm of the chair she had been sitting in. Leaning forward, Ray kissed her, the first time he had initiated the kiss, surprisingly Neela slightly but at the same time making her heart skip at beat. Pulling back, both slightly breathless, Ray looked at her as he said,

"Thank you"

Smiling, Neela kissed him on the cheek before leaving to get them something to eat and Ray get a shower. She wasn't sure if he was thanking her for telling him how she felt or for coming, but she didn't care either way.

* * *

It was an hour later and Ray and Neela were both sitting beside each other eating the burgers and fries that Neela had got at the fast food take away near the rehab centre. An old movie was playing in the background but neither was paying it much attention as they just spoke about juvenile things. It was almost like the days when they were roommates again, Neela thought running her hand through Ray's hair which was still wet from his shower. Neela laughed slightly as she said,

"You act like you haven't eaten in months"

Swallowing, Ray looked at her as he replied with a raised eyebrow,

"Do you know what hospital food here tastes like…it is like I haven't eaten in months"

Nodding her head in agreement, Neela moved closer to Ray, her fingers playing with the hair near the nape of his neck. She didn't want to ruin the wonderful evening they were having, but was curious and so she asked,

"How long until you can go home?"

Shrugging his shoulders Ray looked out the window as he said,

"Depends on how long they think I need to stay here as an inpatient…a few more weeks or a few more months"

"Well, you're doing great Ray…I'm sure it'll not be long"

Letting out a bitter laugh, Ray shook his head as he looked at her with a despondent look on his face,

"Are you kidding…I can't even take ten fucking steps on those stupid things"

Reaching her hand out to take his, Neela said compassionately,

"Ray…", but was cut off when Ray pulled his hand back from her and moved his chair so that he was facing her more, his face a picture of anguish and despair.

"No, I can't even do it without crying like some stupid kid…I should be able to…walk ten stupid steps" Ray choked out, his eyes welling up with tears that he refused to let fall.

Looking at him, Neela said in a soft voice,

"You cry because it's hard Ray, anyone would…it doesn't make you weak or childish because you do. I know it's hard, and I wish it wasn't Ray…I really wish it wasn't"

As a tear fell from his eye and rolled down his cheek, Neela moved from her seat and wrapped her arms around him, whispering in his ear,

"However hard it gets, I'll be here for you"

Burying his face in the crook of her neck, Ray tried to hold back his tears, fed up with crying over the whole thing. But his fight proved futile when he heard Neela whispering in his ear softly that she'd be there for him.

* * *

**O.K, that's a wrap for this chapter! I hope that you liked the lighter portion of this chapter even though there was a little bit of angst at the end there. Please review and let me know what you think. I will try and update this again as soon as I can.**


	7. Chapter 7

**First, I would like to apologize for not updating this story in quite a while…but I had tests in school and then I kind of lost my muse for writing…in general. But now I'm in a writing mood and I hope to update and even finish a few of my stories on a more regular basis. Thank you so much to everyone who read and reviewed the last chapter. **

**Also, I would like to use this chance to say that I have made a prompt table. It is posted over at my livejournal and you can find the link to that in my profile. I hope that you check it out and hopefully some of you may even write something from them! Anyway, enough of my ramblings and on with the story!  
**

_Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Others stay awhile, make footprints on our hearts and we are never, ever the same. __**Anonymous**_

* * *

It was a week later and Ray had been doing a lot better with his recovery. He was able to take four more steps than he had the previous, something which both his mother and Neela were very proud of. Jacy had noticed a change in Ray since Neela had arrived, her son being a lot more positive and happier in the company of his former roommate. Of course he still had bad days were he would fall down, but Jacy just had to remind herself that it was all part of what he had to go through to get better. Pushing the thoughts from her head, still unable to think about what had happened to Ray without feeling herself tearing up, Jacy walked down the hall to her son's room. A smile spread across her face as she heard Ray and Neela laughing, having missed hearing that sound so much. The first few weeks after Ray had arrived he had barely said a word to her, and when he did it usually ended with Ray clinging onto her tearfully, wishing that he wasn't there.

Pushing the door to Ray's room open Jacy smiled as she took in the scene before her. Ray was sitting in his chair, Neela on his bed, and they had a table between them which was littered with cards and peanuts…obviously the currency of choice in the game.

Neither had looked up from what they were doing when Jacy walked in, and so caught up in the heat of the moment, and unaware that Ray's mother was standing only a few feet away at the door, Neela said,

"You bloody wanker Ray…you have to be cheating, there is no way that you can win that many hands in a row"

Laughing, Ray shook his head at her as he leaned back slightly in his chair, opening his mouth to come back with a witty retort before spotting Jacy at the door. Guessing by the look on her face Ray knew that she had probably just seen Neelas little outburst over the game. Smirking, Ray said,

"Hi mom"

Spinning around, Neela's face had turned a lovely shade of red as she said,

"Hi…I'm so sorry about that"

Shaking her head with a laugh, Jacy walked over and gave Neela a quick hug before saying with a smile,

"It's fine honey…I know what it's like to play cards with him"

Raising an eyebrow, Ray gave Jacy a _what's that supposed to mean _look as she walked over to him and bent down, hugging him and kissing him on the cheek before saying,

"How are you today?"

Setting his cards down in his lap, Ray ran a hand over the back of his neck as he looked at her and replied,

"I'm fine", adding a smile after to show her that he was. The truth was he felt better than he had since he had arrived. He guessed that it was probably due to the fact that Neela was here. Before she had came he had been sinking deeper and deeper into despair and self loathing…but then Neela came. At first he had been unsure why she had bothered coming…especially when he had thought that she wasn't going to come at all. But then she had told him she loved him. Since then he felt that he was able to do more…push himself harder. He finally had something, some_one _to work for. Before he had felt like he life was empty, that he had no reason to learn to walk again. But with Neela he knew that he had to, so they could finally have the life together that they deserved.

"Are you sure?" Jacy asked, being the protective mother. She couldn't help it. Besides, it was her right as a mother to be protective of her only child.

A small sigh escaping his lips, hating the fact that she never believed him when he told her that he felt fine, Ray replied back,

"I'm fine, really"

Nodding her head, satisfied that he was in fact telling her the truth, Jacy looked at Neela as she asked,

"And you dear, how are you?"

Smiling at the way Jacy called her "dear", Neela looked at her as she replied,

"I'm great…getting beat by Ray at poker, but other than that", she added with a soft laugh, looking over to see the smug grin on Ray's face.

"Well, I just stopped by to let you know that I'll be out of town for a few days. James wants to take me to one of those silly Spas…but if you need me sweetie?"

Shaking his head, Ray looked at Jacy with a smile as he said,

"Go, you need a break"

Placing her hand on Jacy's arm, Neela added,

"And I'll be here if Ray needs anything…and to make sure he doesn't get into too much trouble" she added with a smile.

Holding her hands up in mock surrender, Jacy said,

"O.K, I'll call James and let him know. But I'll leave you the number just in case you need anything"

* * *

Jacy had just left and Ray and Neela took up their previous game of cards. Looking at Neela with a smirk Ray said,

"How come you can't play poker even though you used to watch it nearly every night when we lived together?"

Looking up from her hand, Neela raised an eyebrow, her mouth lifting up at one side into a one sided grin, quite like that of Rays, and she replied,

"Firstly, playing and watching is completely different…and secondly, you used to talk through it or snore so loud I couldn't hear it"

Laughing, Ray shook his head as he said,

"I don't snore that loud…and that's no excuse. I'm sure you watched it when you lived at Abby's…I didn't talk through it then"

He hadn't meant to bring up about Neela moving out; he had just meant to be making fun of the fact that she was terrible at poker. But seeing her face fall slightly he knew that he had hurt her feelings somewhat.

"Shit, I'm sorry Neela…I didn't mean it like that"

Shaking her head, Neela waved her hand to cut him off from apologizing as she said,

"No…that's not it. I…well; I didn't watch it after I moved out"

His brows furrowing in confusion, Ray asked,

"Why…I thought you were like, addicting to that show"

A small smile forming on her face, knowing that Ray was probably true, Neela looked down at her hands before raising her eyes to meet his again as she replied,

"Because it reminded me too much of you and the apartment. I knew that if I watched it I would wish that I was watching it with you"

They both sat in silence for a moment, absorbing what Neela had just said before Ray broke the silence again, his voice soft as he said,

"Well, I think I have some on the TiVo if you want to watch it"

Nodding her head, Neela cleared the cards away and fixed the bed as Ray set up the T.V. Waiting until he had moved himself from the wheelchair to the bed, Neela lying down beside him, her arms resting across his waist and her head on his shoulder, Neela said with a grin,

"I can't believe you taped this"

Smiling, Ray leaned his head gently against hers as he said with a smile,

"Anything for my roomie"

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**A/N – O.K, I hope that you liked it and please review and let me know what you think! Remember, comments are love! **

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	8. Chapter 8

**Wow, if I start one more chapter of a story off with an apology for not updating I think I'm going to have to hit myself really, really hard. So instead of boring you all with the reasons why it has been so long I thought that I would just say a big thank you to all of you who have read and reviewed the story so far, you don't know how much it means to me.**

_**The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart. **__**Helen Keller**_

Ray was glad that Jacy hadn't fought with him over the decision to go on the break with James; she really needed some time away from all of this. As much as he loved her, he needed the break too, sometimes he felt like she was watching his recovery through a giant microscope and looking for the cracks. But they were going to be there, he had told her that. He knew that it was because he was her only child and she wanted to do the best for him, but sometimes he felt suffocated and just wanted to be on his own for a while. So hopefully the break was going to do them both a world of good. Of course the more selfish reason for why he was glad that Jacy had accepted James' offer was that he and Neela would be able to spend more time alone together. A few months ago and with the right circumstances (meaning no Gates) and Ray knew what alone time with him and Neela would most likely had led to. But not anymore. Not only was he not ready physically for that, but emotionally as well. He wasn't ready to put himself out there and have her see him for who he really was now. It was going to take time for him to overcome those barriers, but he knew that if and when he did he would want it to be with Neela.

Shaking the thoughts from his head, knowing that he would just put himself in a foul mood thinking about the things that he couldn't do and that would take him longer to do, he moved from his hospital bed and into the wheelchair. Neela had arranged to come by after two for his physiotherapy session and it was already one thirty. He was supposed to be meeting her down there and so he knew that he had to get ready if he was going to be there on time. He had slept in late that morning due to the fact for the past few days he had putting so much time in down in the hospital gym and during his sessions with Tom. He wanted to recover and get back some semblance of a normal life; and he knew that the only way that he was ever going to achieve that was by working hard. He didn't think that he had ever worked as hard for anything in his life.

After getting changed into a pair of navy sweats and a grey t-shirt he made his way out of the room and down to the hospital gym, seeing that Tom was sitting ready for him. Tom had become a good friend over the past few months that Ray had been in the hospital; and although Ray had to ashamedly admit he had been harsh towards Tom at the beginning when he had just wanted to go into a black hole and stay there; somewhere where he didn't have to face up to what had happened to him, Tom had been the one who had talked to him and made him realize that he had everything that he needed to get better at his disposal, that the only thing he was missing was the determination and will.

"Hey man, ready for another day of hard work?" Tom asked with a smile as he stood up and looked at Ray before walking over to the table at the side of the room and beginning to set up all that he needed.

"As ready as I usually am", Ray replied back with a small grin, knowing that anything could happen at these sessions. Sometimes they went terrible and Ray found himself taking one or two less steps than he had before, or falling down when the pain was too much. Other times he found himself walking two or three extra steps and the pain wasn't as bad. He knew at this point that he shouldn't go in with a mindset on how the day was going to be. It was only setting himself up for more pain and disappointment if he didn't do as well as he had hoped.

Leaning against the table Tom turned around and looked at Ray as he asked him,

"So where's Neela?", his arms crossed loosely over his chest. He was used to seeing Neela with Ray now that it was a shock whenever she wasn't sitting by his side or at least close by. Before Ray had the chance to answer though he was beat to it by the sound of Neela as she said,

"Sorry I'm late, couldn't get a parking space", before walking over and kissing Ray on the cheek. Whenever she had first arrived in Baton Rouge she would never have imagined that she and Ray would have been able to sit and talk about their past at all let alone kissing and holding hands. It was more than she could have hoped and prayed for and she was grateful everyday that she got to spend with him. It all made the prospect of going back to Chicago all the much worse. She knew that if coming here hadn't gone well that at least she could have gone home knowing in her heart that she had kept her promise to him and that she was doing the right thing by taking away any added stress and upset. But now that they had both confessed their feelings for one another she never wanted to leave, she wanted to be by his side throughout this entire journey, through all of the good and bad things.

"Its fine, we were just setting up", Tom said with a smile as he finished what he was doing before moving aside so that Ray could move over onto the table and put on the prosthetics. Neela walked over and sat beside him, watching as he bit the inside of his lip to stop himself from voicing his pain. Although he was getting used to it now and it wasn't as bad some days as others, it was still painful. After they were on, Tom helped Ray to stand back up and they began the session, Neela watching in absolute admiration at the strength and determination that Ray had. She could see parts of the old Ray that she knew shining through more and more with each day that passed, and she loved it. When they met for the first time in the hospital room he had been so lost and broken, but now when she looked at him the first things that she saw where his determination and the twinkle in his eye of the mischievous Ray that she had first moved in with.

XXXXXX

After Tom and Ray were finished, Neela waited for Ray to get back into the wheelchair before walking over to him and leaning down to kiss him on the cheek,

"You did great today", she said as she pulled back, her hand still resting on the side of his neck. Reaching his hand up to hers, Ray wrapped his fingers around her wrist before leaning up and kissing her again, knowing that it could speak volumes more than what his words would.

"Geez, won't you two get a room already", Tom teased them both with a soft laugh as he shook his head before walking off to see his next patient. To be honest he was happy to see that Ray had changed so much, for the better of course, since Neela had arrived. He could see how in love they were and knew that one of the reasons that Ray had been so much more upbeat and positive had been down to the fact that she was here.

Doing as suggested Ray and Neela made their way back to his room, although it was at a slower pace as Ray was tired from his session and Neela knew that he wouldn't want her to push the wheelchair, he would feel like he was having to rely on her for simple things and she knew that wasn't true. As they reached the room Neela let Ray in first before following and shutting the door behind her. Walking over to the chair by the bed she sat down in it and looked at Ray as he pulled out clean clothes from the drawers. Setting her bag down on the floor beside her she asked Ray,

"So you heard anything from Jacy?"

Looking up from what he was doing, he raised his eyebrows slightly as he turned his chair to face her and replied,

"Only a few times...I told her to stop worrying so much"

Smiling, Neela looked at him as she said,

"She won't...and I couldn't say that I would either" And Ray knew that was true, after all that she had told him he knew now that she truly cared about him. Just as much as he cared about her.

Pulling at the front of his t-shirt, which was sticking to him after his session, he looked at Neela as he said with a small smile,

"I'll just get a quick shower", Neela nodding her head. She knew that he always wanted to get a shower as soon as he got back, no matter how exhausted he was. She wasn't going to argue with him over that, he had a routine of what he did and she knew better than to upset it. Routine was a key factor in recovery; something Neela had learnt herself and so she was happy to read a crappy magazine while he got showered.

Of course Ray's thoughts where nothing of routine; he couldn't stop thinking about what Tom had said. He had been thinking the same thing earlier himself, and now he wondered if maybe Neela wanted them to take their relationship to the next step soon. He just wasn't ready and he had no idea how he would even begin to articulate those thoughts and feelings to her without becoming a stammering and mumbling mess. Rinsing off he tried to force the thoughts out of his head, wanting to just sit with Neela for a while and relax. He was far too exhausted to have to be worrying about things like that. At least not right now anyway.

Opening the bathroom door, now changed into a pair of grey sweats and a red t-shirt, his hair still damp and hanging down over his temples, Ray looked over at Neela with a playful smile as he said,

"No more sweat", laughing softly when she shook her head at him before walking over and kissing him, pulling back with a smile to say,

"I love you either way"

Smiling, Ray pressed his forehead against hers as he replied in a soft voice,

"I love you too"

Standing back up she walked over to the bed and sat down on it, Ray moving his chair round to the other side before moving so that he was sitting beside her. He was more comfortable now with her seeing him as he was, but at times he did still feel self conscious and just want to stop her looking at him. He knew that it was one of the emotional traumas of what happened to him that he was going to have to overcome, but at times he found it so hard. He just wanted to be how Neela remembered him before the accident that at times he got to frustrated.

Seeing the look on his face and the way his brow furrowed slightly, Neela ran her hand through the bottom of his hair, feeling the dampness of it from his shower, and asked him,

"What's the matter?" her own brow furrowing slightly, only more out of concern than anything else.

Turning his head slightly to look at her, he paused for a moment considering if he should tell her or not before shaking his head and forcing on a small smile as he replied,

"Nothing", but Neela could see right through him. He had the same look in his eyes as he did the night that she had came, and she wondered what could have prompted it. Everything had been going so well and they had been getting along great.

"Did I say something?" she asked, although afraid of what would happen if the answer was "yes". She didn't want to upset him, but at the same time if she had she wanted to know what it was that she had done.

"No, you didn't do anything", Ray said as he looked at her, and she could tell that he wasn't lying.

So if it wasn't her then what could it have been? He had been fine before in the physiotherapy session up until Tom had made the comment about them getting a room. He didn't still think that she cared about how he looked and that it changed how she felt at all.

"Is this about what Tom said?" she asked, but her tone wasn't chiding or condescending, but gentle. She could see the flush on his neck when she asked that, and knew why. Ray was so used to her hearing him with women, watching him flaunt how he looked in front of her in a low towel or boxers and socks when they were just roommates. But now he was different, physically and emotionally, and she knew that it obviously meant something to him if he was acting like this over it.

"I...well, I mean look at me Neela, I'm not exactly who I was before and –", Ray started, wondering how she could act like this wasn't a big deal. However he was cut off by Neela when she looked him straight in the eyes, her face serious as she said,

"You are Ray; just because you don't look the same doesn't mean you aren't the same Ray Barnett who I fell in love with...sure it'll be different and it'll take a while to find something that works, but with you I know that it'll be worth the wait"

She watched as he took in what she said, his mouth turning up into a slight smile before he leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers gently. Cupping her cheek with his hand, he ran the pad of his thumb over her cheekbone as he pulled back from her and said,

"I love you", and he meant it so much more now than he ever had. What she said made him feel better about himself and their situation. The fact that she said she would be willing to wait took such a pressure off him that he couldn't stop himself from kissing her.

"And I love you, no matter what", Neela said with a smile before leaning in and kissing him again.

XXXXX

It was just after 8pm and Neela and Ray were both still on his bed. They had just finished a dinner of pizza, Neela knowing how much Ray hated the hospital food here (largely due to the fact that he kept telling her that if she thought County was bad she should try here), and they were now watching a movie.

"God, who would even do that?", Neela whispered as the guy and girl on the TV got out of their car in the middle of the forest to see what the noise was. Not getting a response, Neela turned her head to the left slightly where Ray's head was resting on her shoulder, his eyes closed. From the steady rise and fall of his chest she knew that he was asleep, and smiled softly to herself. Pulling the blanket over them both, she kissed his forehead gently, pulling back and halting her motions as he stirred slightly before relaxing against her again.

Leaning back into the pillow, she closed her own eyes, hopeful that soon they would be lying in each other arms in a better place.

**A/N Well I hope that you liked the chapter and please let me know what you think, because as always your reviews mean so much to me xx**


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